A Young Girl's Worth

Broken Heart
808s and heartbreaks can be difficult to deal with at your age or any age for that matter! I mean to go from "he loves me" to "he loves me not???" unexpectedly can throw anyone off. And let's face it, the reasons he gave don't exactly help ease the pain. LOL...if it's not YOU, but HIM yet he has somehow found a way to move on just fine...then where does that leave you? Maybe feeling confused, sad, rejected...

Whatever the case is don't let him to take a piece of you with him if he decides to leave. It’s easy to get stuck in that depressed state and start questioning where everything went wrong. But don’t get trapped in your own pity party. You need to take Chris Brown's "Goodbye" off of repeat and stop playing all those sad songs because it's not going help the situation. Maybe for that moment you'll feel good but it will only encourage you to keep throwing that pity party for yourself.

My friends and I used to have this saying back in college "keep it rollin" when situations didn't go our way. But now more than ever I realize that you can't keep it rollin' when you genuinely care about someone. But at the same time you can't stay down on yourself either!


The Heart of the Matter
Now that I’m older, I’ve realized that the issue is bigger than a broken heart. It’s about how you view yourself based on that guy’s departure. Ladies, please don't allow any boy to have the kind of power over you that prevents you from moving on or causes you to look down on yourself! We all make mistakes in life. You can’t place all the blame on yourself and carry all that dead weight. You don’t want to become the bag lady (that everyone sings about) in your teens. I think it’s important to forgive that person for hurting you or yourself if you were at fault for the end of the relationship. You can’t let your or somebody else’s mistakes define who you are as a person.

Just because he broke up with you doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough. Just because he didn't realize what a blessing you were to his life doesn't mean that you're not an amazing person. Too often girls define their self worth by the guy they are with. If you do that then you'll never learn to appreciate and value yourself or see yourself the way that God sees you. He says that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” and that’s all that matters! (Psalm 139:14) You should never look for validation from a guy. Love doesn’t start with him and it sure doesn't end with him. It starts with you! You can’t and shouldn’t look to others to do this for you. Whatever guy comes in or out of your life doesn’t change the beautiful young lady that you are. Even through the tears, you need to be able to see it as a loss for him and a lesson learned for you. His love may be gone, but the love that you and God have for yourself should be so strong that it doesn’t matter! Ladies learn to show yourself love and appreciation daily, so that it doesn’t have to come from someone else.


--Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

Skin Deep

In recent years, more and more women, particularly African-American women, have become more actively involved in their healthcare and well-being. Today, more women are getting routine check-ups and are staying on top of their diet and exercise. This type of preventive healthcare helps restore the importance of healthy living in the black community, while helping us to redefine beauty among African-American women. Being healthy is no longer a rarity. Many black women are supporting this trend in women’s health. Queen Latifah and Felicia Rashad, who are spokeswomen for Jenny Craig, help us remember that a healthy diet plays a key role in our lives. Our First Lady, Michelle Obama, has taught us all how to take an active role in our health by growing our own vegetables and being in control of our food intake. These women among so many others symbolize the importance of day to day health. But what about the other ways used by women in order to maintain and enhance their outward appearance to look and feel good? You will see that beauty is more than skin deep.

Interestingly, there is a direct link between the beauty products and cosmetics (ex: lipstick, eye shadow and shampoo) we use to embellish our physical appearance, and our inner beauty and health. You may be wondering what one has to do with the other…well have you heard the phrase “toxic cosmetics?” Toxic cosmetics are health and beauty products that contain chemicals and harmful ingredients that can be dangerous to your skin and/or body. Believe it or not, the very products that we use to make us look and feel better, may actually be causing more harm to our health than we realize. Look out for the top 10 most common toxic ingredients toxic ingredients:

1) Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS)
2) Mineral Oil
3) Synthetic Fragrances
4) Imidazolidinyl Urea & DMDM Hydantoin
5) Triclosan
6) Phthalates
7) DEA, TEA, & MEA
8) FD & Color Pigments
9) Propylene Glycol (PG)
10) Isopropyl Alcohol

Don’t worry! This doesn’t necessarily mean we have to compromise our beauty and discontinue using our favorite health and beauty products. However, this does mean that it is important for us to do our research on what products are good and bad for us. What’s the use of looking good if the products we use are harming us? Luckily there are resources that can help us stay informed and proactive about the effects of our favorite cosmetics. Skin Deep is one of many informative and easy to use websites that can help. When I went to this site, all I did was type in some of my favorite cosmetic brands and in an instance I was able to see how harmful they were to my skin and body. Try it!

For those who would rather not know the effects of your favorite lip gloss or mascara, don’t forget that you can easily find alternatives through this resource. If you find that your favorite perfume or foundation is too harmful for you, don’t be afraid to continue your search until you find what’s right for you. Think of it as a make-up make-over. It’s worth it!

--Kyle Holland
Brownstone Team

Cough Be Gone

Well ladies…it got me. After three and a half years of sniffle free autumns and winters, I can finally say I have fallen victim to that good ole rhinovirus known as “the cold” (dun dun daaa) Yes, yes, I know you feel my pain. I’m pretty sure many of you with powerhouse immune systems can’t imagine the devastating effects of something as ridiculous as a cold. I can see if it were the seasonal flu, maybe, or even the more infamous H1N1 flu, but c’mon the cold? I mean really? Well, after boasting a relatively clean bill of health, I was just confident I wouldn’t be the next casualty, at least not for another 3.5 years. You couldn’t tell me that I, Acasia L. Barrett, would be popping cough drops in my mouth like popcorn. But alas, here I am, writing about the very thing we all eventually must go through.

Nevertheless, my goal, in writing this, is not to bore you with a silly, melodramatic tale of seasonal sickness but to feed you healthy food for thought. For while the cold stole my voice, it didn’t steal my thoughts and ability to communicate.

So let me proceed by asking you a question: What do exercise and the cold have in common? Nothing as far as I know, unless you consider the sweats that come from intense running and the sweats that develop from a fever. However, one of these items can help fight off the other. Exercise is a wonderful way to prevent and protect against the onset and symptoms of a cold. Studies have shown that exercises such as jogging, brisk walking, and cycling can help prevent colds. This is because physical activities, such as exercise, boost our immune system, or sick fighters. At the same time, it is important to stay balanced in your approach. Don’t overdo it with the exercise routine, and don’t try to get your fitness on when you’re running a fever or have body aches. Just stick to what experts call the “neck up” rule, which means that you can continue to exercise if you only have a runny nose, sneezing, or coughing.

In fact, if you’ve been hit with a storm of coughs, then go jogging, or better yet dance around the house. This will help to increase blood flow and should speed up your recovery. So the next time you feel a little under the weather, turn on some music, put on your dancing shoes, and work it out mamas.

**A note of caution: be careful if you have asthma that is caused by exercise. It is important that you listen to your doctor’s advice first and foremost.

--Acasia Barrett
Guest Blogger

Acasia Barrett is a graduate student at George Washington University where she is working towards her Master's in Public Health, Health Promotion and HIV/AIDS studies. When she is not in class, she immerses herself in her duties as both a research assistant at the D.C. Department of Health HIV/AIDS Administration and an intern at Community Education Group, a Community Based Organization in DC. In her spare time, Acasia enjoys reading, community service, and working on writing her books.

(Photo courtesy of image.com)

Risky Business

Did you know that one in three girls in the United States get pregnant before the age of 20? Did you know that there are 750,000 teen pregnancies each year? Did you know that teen mothers tend to score lower in the subjects of math and reading? Did you know that teenage mothers are more likely to drop out of high school?

If you are not a teen mother then these facts may not directly affect you, but if you are sexually active you are definitely involving yourself in risky business, and only contributing to these startling statistics. Teen pregnancy is an issue that is becoming more and more common. Today, teenage pregnancy seems just as normal as the mohawk hair cut. Teenagers seem to live by the saying “It won’t happen to me” which often lands them a spot in a very sticky situation…such as teen pregnancy.

Life is all about decisions. The decisions you make will affect your life in some way. Babies are expensive little creatures. Sometimes a part-time job at McDonald’s will not allow you to provide a baby with everything they need and still have money left over for you to hang out with friends or buy a new pair of name brand shoes. As a matter of fact, let’s take a look at how much it costs to just have a baby …labor and recovery. If you do not have insurance expect an average hospital bill of $5,000- $10,000…that’s if you have a vaginal birth. Add another $2,000 if you have to have a c-section. This price is JUST the hospital stay, it does not include monthly visits while you’re pregnant, ultrasounds, or the extra stay in the hospital if your baby is premature. Pretty steep huh? That’s more than the pair of shoes you wanted for the Homecoming dance. With all this being said, I urge you to make responsible decisions and think before you participate in risky business.

There’s an old saying that goes “when you know better you do better.” Therefore, there may be some of you that may not know how to prevent teen pregnancy or there may be some of you that just need a mind refresher; here are a few ways to prevent teenage and unplanned pregnancy.

1. Birth control: you can go to your local health department and ask for birth control. The doctors will be able to tell you what method is best for you.
2. Protection: ALWAYS use protection. You may also go to your local health department for free condoms.
3. ABSTINENCE: This is the only 100% way to prevent pregnancy. Please note that neither condoms nor birth control are 100% effective in preventing pregnancy. Abstinence is the ONLY way to stay baby free!

Please remember that a baby is a major responsibility that will make you “grow up”…probably before you’re ready. Before you decide to take part in risky business, if you do not think about anything else please think about how much it costs to have a baby, the cost of formula, clothes, and diapers, and even just not being able to hang out with friends the way you would like to. MTV has an excellent show, which gives audiences an upfront and personal experience on what it takes, how much it takes, and the quick reality of being a teenage parent. MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, gives a real life account of what teenage parents have to go through and the life changing decisions they have to make along with the consequences of their decisions. I encourage you to have fun and live your life and remember that there is plenty of time for children, but until that time comes, be aware of risky business.



--Nakeitra Hill
Guest Blogger

Nakeitra Hill is a graduate of Mississippi State University. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Biological Sciences along with a Master of Science degree in Health Education/ Health Promotion. Nakeitra is also a Certified Health Education Specialist and Personal Trainer who is passionate about the health of the African-American community.

Bring the Spa Home with Spa Bellas

As a busy young lady on the move, I must admit that going to the spa is one of my favorite past times! No, not for the glamour and bling of it all, but for the calmness and peace that it brings. I am part owner of Spa Bellas Mobile Spa Parties for Girls and I am in the “know” of popular culture and what’s ‘hot’ so I am aware of how shallow and pretentious spas are viewed. But we at Spa Bellas, thrive for creative stimulations and promote high self esteem.

It should come as no surprise that when you look good you feel good! And when you feel good, you tend to perform better in school, work and even in your personal life! So, whether you are fellowshipping with close friends or distressing from a tough day at school or work, the spa experience is very important for your overall well being. It’s not about high maintenance, it’s about tranquility, harmony and calm. Can't afford it, you say? Yes you can! Dim your bedroom lights, light some candles and put on some smooth jazz to set the mood. You can even prepare a homemade facial scrub using a little brown sugar, oatmeal, lemon and a little body oil. Set it off with some cucumbers for your eyes, your favorite magazine or book, a cool beverage and va-la! You’ve created your own spa!

Here is the recipe for the brown sugar mask:
· 1/2 of brown sugar
· 3 tablespoons of vanila extract
· 1/2 squeezed lemon
· (add water if necessary)

--Krista Williams
Guest Blogger

Krista Williams is the Director of Finance at Spa Bellas. Spa Bellas is a mobile spa company specializing in spa-like treatments and promoting self esteem in young women. We are available for birthday parties, team building, girl scout activities or even small play dates!

**For more information please call (323) 903-6336 or e-mail spabellas@yahoo.com. You can also connect with Spa Bellas on Twitter (www.twitter.com/spabellas). New website http://www.spabellas.com/ coming soon!

Don't Slack on your College Apps

Hey seniors! Congrats on making it this far. I know the past 3 years have been crazy and this year isn’t going to be any different. Exams, club meetings, college prep classes, and a gang of senior activities are all piling high on your plate. Not to mention making sure you pass all your classes.

With so many things going on, it’s easy to get sidetracked. We wanted to make sure that you make time to apply to colleges before that good ol’ case of senioritis sets in. Applying to schools can be very overwhelming. So, Brownstone has gathered some tips to help you through the application process.

1. Research Schools
I can’t express how important it is to research the schools you want to attend. Don’t base your decision solely on one factor. For example, “I want to go to XYZ University because it has a beautiful campus that overlooks the beach.” Location is important, but you should also consider factors like what majors are offered, student housing, professors, student v. teacher ratio, etc.

2. Attend college information sessions.
Most colleges and universities host “preview days” or “information sessions” for prospective students in the fall. I recommend attending these so that you can get a better idea/feel of the school you’re applying to. A school may look better to you on online than in person. This is important to know so that you don’t waste money applying to a school that you’re not so crazy about after all.

3. Have a selection of schools.
Always have a list of schools (at least 5) you want to apply to. You should have your top tier schools and back-up schools in case you don’t get into your dream schools.

4. Personal Statement
Every school’s essay prompts are different. Make sure you articulate your reasons for wanting to attend the school, how you can be an asset to the school, and how the school can help you achieve your goals. This is where doing your homework on the school and its programs come in handy.

5. Make sure you have all your ducks in a row.
Make a check list of everything you need for each application. Make sure you have completed the SATs, your A-G subject requirements, order transcripts, request recommendations, etc.

6. Don’t be afraid to ask for help!
Applying to colleges can be very stressful and sometimes confusing. Sit down with your high school counselor and discuss your options. Also, talk to your parents about your future; work together to develop a timeline. Seek the help of college students or friends who can help you with the process as well.

7. Apply for fee waivers.
College apps are not cheap! On average apps range from $60 to $100. If paying the application causes a financial hardship, you may be eligible or a fee waiver. Talk to your high school counselor and visit the school website to find out qualifications for fee waivers.

8. Don’t procrastinate.
Believe me time will fly by before you know it. Apps are due as early as the end of November and as late as the beginning of February. Start now if you haven't already! College applications are not something you can just put together overnight, especially considering how competitive the applicant pool is going to be. Figure out what schools you want to apply to and make a timeline that you can follow through.

9. Apply for scholarships.
It’s never too early to start applying for scholarships. Scholarship = FREE money! With the current economic hardships, many schools have been forced to raise their tuition. Take advantage of the opportunities out there to eliminate the costs of your education.

**Not a senior yet? Well it’s never too early to start researching and visiting colleges!

Below is some more advice from women in the Brownstone Women's Network that I hope will help guide and encourage you!

“Take the time to research what schools offer the best programs that you're interested in. Applying for college is hard work, especially during your senior year, but the work you do will pay off. Now this may be hard if you don't know what you want to major in, but at least research different universities. Take tours of campuses, talk to people (teachers, friends, parents, etc.) that may have gone there. You may find something you like about the school even if you’re undecided on a major. If I had done this, I likely would have ended up at a different school” – Aimee Cherry (CSU Long Beach, ’07)

“Write about personal situations. Ways that you've persevered in your life. Situations that you've overcome. They want to see that you can/will work hard. Have parents or family friend to read personal statement to make sure that your grammar is correct and that your sentences flow, etc.”- Alexis Barner (UC Berkeley, ’05; Northwestern University, ‘06)

"I applied to undergrad 6 years ago. I did not have any help. I question how I even got through the process. Many of the resources that are available now were not when I applied. I come from a family where I was the first generation to apply to a four year institution. I would say first do not wait to the last minute, be sure to pace yourself. Be honest with yourself about your study habits and about what you are interested in. Second, build a strong support system, whether it’s family or even friends. When I was applying my friends were my support system because we are able to relate to what each of us were experiencing. Third, when picking your schools be sure to have a top five and really think about the schools you want to go to. I know money may be a big consideration but leave that in God's hands. If you really want to go to a school and you don't have the funds a way will be made. You must apply to all scholarships and grants even if you think you will not get them. It’s a gamble you will lose some and win some. You just have prepare to expect the unexpected. You young ladies can do it. There is no excuse. Just be patient, productive, and ambitious and everything will fall into place. Good Luck.” - Jessica Williams (UC Santa Cruz '07, USC '09)

--Tymika Morrison

Brownstone Team

Do You Care About Good Hair?

In the African-American community the debate over good and bad hair has been going on for decades. I remember as a young girl watching Spike Lee’s film, Skool Daze. There was a segment in the movie that showed women in a hair salon. The difference between this hair salon and the salons that you and I may go to is that it was divided. The salon was separated by skin complexion and hair type. On one side there were African-American women with dark complexions and “bad” hair and on the other side stood African-American women with lighter complexions and “good” hair. They broke into song and teased each other about the differences in their hair. The “good” hair girls were convinced that everyone wanted hair like theirs while the “bad” hair girls preferred their hair and accused the others of being fake and untrue to themselves.



In his recent documentary, Good Hair, comedian Chris Rock tackles this issue. Although the movie doesn’t premiere until this Friday, October 9, Chris has been everywhere promoting the film for weeks which is what caught my attention. Chris explained during his interview with Oprah Winfrey that his young daughter once asked him, “Daddy, why don’t I have good hair?” Chris had never thought about this issue affecting his children until that moment and decided to delve deeper into the issue.

So what is good hair? According to the film, which showcases testimonies from many prominent African-American women, good hair is straight, manageable and easy to run your fingers through. Chris finds out that if your hair is not naturally “good”, it can easily be changed by getting a perm or a weave. A perm, also known as a permanent relaxer, essentially burns your hair until it is straight. The movie expresses what painful lengths women will go through to achieve their desired hair texture and style.

Although the changing of our hair may make us look and feel good on the outside, both Chris and I are more interested in finding out what is going on inside. Who decided straight hair was good? Why does hair divide our community? Why can’t nappy make the mainstream happy? In Skool Daze, one of the main characters played by Tisha Campbell, not only has good hair, but she has also dyed her hair blonde and wears blue contacts. African-Americans come in all different shades, however it was quite obvious in the movie that neither her hair nor eye color were natural and she was attempting to be something other than herself. By changing our hair from its natural state, are we trying to be something we’re not?

During Rock’s interview with Oprah, I gathered that the main purpose of this documentary was to expose one of the major issues in our community. Chris wants us to figure out what exactly we are looking to accomplish by changing our hair into something it is not. Both of his daughters are under the age of 10 and already focusing on their appearance. Chris advised that we all take a step back and realize just what is going on. Is it healthy for girls this young to already want to change themselves? He also shows girls in his film as young as 4 years old getting perms. As a parent, he would much rather explain to that 4 year old that all hair is beautiful and not start this cycle at such a young age. Let it be her decision later on as a teenager or young adult. I’m going to see the movie on Saturday. Check it out and let me know your thoughts!

-- Martine Rouzan
Brownstone Team