Your Body is Your Temple

It seems like everywhere you look, from television to magazines, and even within your circle of family and friends, everyone is concerned with losing weight. Summer fashion means that more skin is showing, but regardless of the time of year, body image and physical appearance are a constant focus of the media. Our society is becoming more "health conscious," but at the same time, advertisers targets our population with negative and/or unrealistic images concerning healthy bodily proportions.

For one, we are constantly bombarded with advertisements featuring celebrities. What we fail to realize is that although they are in fact, average people like you and me, they are paid to look a certain way. It’s their job to maintain a certain body size, and this particular industry has a significant effect on youth today. I’m sure you can think of your favorite movie star or singer who has that perfect body and makes it all seem so easy; as if they wake up everyday with that kind of body – no effort needed. The truth is that they have personal trainers and stylists and a whole crew of people who are paid to make them look glamorous 24/7. Not to mention technology that can airbrush any dimples or unflattering bulges. Sounds a little fake right? My point exactly.

At a first glance, none of these things come to mind – all you think is Wow, she looks great, instead of I wonder how many hours of exercising and eating right combined with a team of people it took to achieve that look.

This doesn’t mean you can’t idolize certain celebrities and appreciate them as beautiful. All of this is to say that the attributes society and the media emphasize as beautiful in a woman, (typically a size 1-3 waist size, A-B cup, very little curves, skinny and lean), is not the only definition of beautiful, nor the only healthy body type.

Especially within our culture, females come in all different shapes, sizes, skin tones, and ethnicities. With all of the diversity within black culture, how could anyone expect us all to look the same? Furthermore, how can we all be expected to conform to one standard of beauty? (i.e. what the media portrays as the perfect body) My message to you is that, as our society progresses in this health revolution, don’t let standards for a particular majority lock you into what your beauty is supposed to look like.

Recently, I’ve been so concerned with getting healthy (and thus looking cute) that I ended up doing more damage than productive action physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I immediately took many of my favorite foods off of my list of what I allowed myself to eat, tried to only drink water, and set up a rigorous workout schedule. I envied my friends who seemed to have that perfect body so effortlessly, and punished myself for not looking exactly like they did. Eventually, it got to the point where I realized that I started feeding off of others’ negative body talk and comparing stories of how I wish I could be skinny again. (I gained the freshman 15 and got a chubby tummy in college, but the truth is, I’m a size 3. Crazy right?) I let society define what beauty is, and defined myself by my physical appearance alone. I stopped appreciating myself (and others) for all of the other God-given talents I possessed and limited myself to someone else’s standard.

I can honestly say one of my biggest regrets is that I allowed myself to stay trapped inside of that negative mentality for so long. I’m happy that I’m in the place that I am in now, where I can learn to appreciate myself for so much more than my body, but it took a lot of growth and daily positive thinking to help me see the light. While I was stuck in this temporary hole, I realized that I wasn’t alone. My friends and family, those who I was surrounded by the most, were the ones having those skinny girl conversations with me, or dropping comments about how they used to look so much better when they were smaller. Combined with the millions of advertisements about losing weight "to become the happiest person I’ve been in years," it seemed as though losing weight was the only way to achieve peace.

Wrong.

Peace is when you can wake up and smile, appreciating the beauty that surrounds you, regardless of what you look like and what the world is throwing at you. Peace is when you can walk confidently and know that you are worth every bit of love that God has for you.
My peace is knowing that I am beautiful because I have the love and support of my friends and family, and because I don’t let my present situation or media portrayals of beauty and worth define who I am. The fact of the matter is that I had to learn how to love myself all over again. To love my chubby tummy, but love myself even more by eating right and exercising – because I like to and it’s good for me, not because I have to in order to be beautiful. To love myself and spend time getting to know myself so that whenever I feel the superficial insecurities that the media feeds on to sell me a product and make me feel inadequate, I am already built up on the inside to know that I am beautiful because I say so, not because someone else does.

Especially as an underrepresented minority, we black females need to encourage each other to continue redefining beauty for ourselves. We need to build each other up in sisterly love and confidence that society may not always have time for. It’s up to you to start being happy now instead of waiting for that perfect time to lose 10 lbs or do whatever it is that you think will make you feel better. The process starts with working on your inner peace and developing a healthy relationship with yourself. This means telling yourself positive and uplifting things, instead of punishing yourself for not being exactly where you want to be right now with personal habits, school, friends, boys, etc. If at the end of the day you can’t depend on yourself, then who can you depend on? Whenever I find myself picking out a negative trait or physical flaw, I remind myself that I love myself, and it’s okay because I don’t have to be perfect.

Someone once told me that you always find what you look for. Instead of looking for what you’re unhappy with, appreciate today and delight in the beauty that surrounds you. Love yourself – no one else can do it better.

In peace,
Brittany

--Brittany Allen
Brownstone Intern

Beauty Within Budget

In this economy, people don't have as much to spend as they did a few years ago. But, do cuts in the budget mean that we have to also cut our style?

Absolutely not! Here are just a few tips on how to look like a million bucks, without spending:

1. Go Green.
Yes, even your clothes can be made into something new! You can often find great ideas on the Internet that can instruct you on how to recreate your old favorite thing into your new favorite thing. That old t-shirt can be made into fresh new tank top. Those shredded jeans can be made into shorts, capri pants, a skirt, or even a funky purse. And, don’t forget about what in mom's closet! Some projects can be done with some safety pins, a glue gun, ribbon, and your imagination. The best part of it is, your piece would be one of a kind!

2. Don’t be scared!
A lot of peopled don’t like to shop the clearance rack. But, the clearance can actually be your best friend. The fashion industry works ahead of season. So, the items in the front of the store in the summer are usually trending toward Fall. Head straight to the back of the store, and that’s where you’ll find the stuff that’s on sale. That sale rack is usually items you’d need at the moment. And, truth be told, when you wear that new outfit, no one will know if you bought it 3 months ago or 3 days ago.

3. What’s in a Name?

Although it is usually trendy to buy the more popular name brand, the popular name usually has a higher price tag. It isn’t necessary to dress in the same name brand from head to toe. Switch it up a little. Invest in a hot trendy piece and match it with that favorite pair of jeans you already own.

Did you know that some of your favorite designers actually make less expensive brands? Yes, even shoes! Same shoe, different name tag and a fraction of the price tag. So, don’t be so caught up the name branded on your clothes. Remember you make the clothes, they don’t make you.

4. Just Say No!

To the mall that is. You don’t have to shop at the mall to find the best fashions. Sometimes your discount retailers like Ross, Marshalls, and T.J. Maxx will have the exact same clothes as your large department stores like Macy's or Nordstroms; but, the price tags are undeniably different.

There is also your local boutique. Don’t be afraid to check out that little shop on the corner. They often have quality items you won’t find in the mall at great prices. That also means that the chances of you running into someone in the same outfit are a lot slimmer.

5. All About Face.
Your favorite brand of makeup may be rather expensive. Consider investing in a quality foundation, and cut cost by using a less expensive lip and eye color. Your beauty supply or even the nearest Rite Aid or CVS may actually have to same shades of lip sticks and eye shadows for a lot less. You’ll get the same results, and cause less damage to the budget.

Reality is, that in today's economy every little bit helps. These are just a few small changes that may make a big difference over time.

-- Quiana Hall
Guest Blogger

Brownstone Women's Spotlight: A Profile of Myshell Tabu

Dance, Design, Devoted

Meeting Myshell for the first time in 2005 and getting to know her throughout the years, for me, is a constant reminder that God places people in your life for a reason. I met Myshell through my sister Evan, who I can always trust to befriend “strong, black women…with a twist.” For Myshell, this “twist” represents her free spirit, her artistic talents, her uniqueness, her authenticity and her courage to truly be herself. I appreciate her qualities because they’ve made such a difference in my life and in the lives of others. She is my friend, my client, my graphic designer and on many a day, my confidant. If I am ever unsure about anything, need advice or simply the freedom and space to be myself, Myshell is always there to open up her heart and her home, and today, Brownstone is thrilled to be invited into the journey of Mrs. Myshell Tabu.

Kyle Holland (KH): Myshell, tell us a how your career got started…

Myshell Tabu (MT): Well, I always loved expressing myself through dance so I began teaching tap dance at age 14. I opened my own studio when I was 22, and later decided to close it to pursue other things. I was looking for new and varied experiences but at the same time wanted to stay true to myself. I'm now a graphic designer and blogger. My company is called Suuru and I started it in 2008 shortly after my mother died. Suuru is an organic graphic design company and it allows me to help people and organizations whether it’s providing brand development, marketing and campaign materials, invitations, logos, anything! Plus, Suuru is eco-friendly, which also means a lot to me.

KH: How did you get into graphic design?

MT: I started doing design materials and marketing when I worked in the executive office at Lula Washington Dance Theatre. That's where I really honed my skills as a designer. I didn't go to school for it at all.

KH: And from there, how did you build your design company?

MT: When I left Lula's a few years back, people continued to ask me to design things for them. I love to design and I had run my own business in the past, so I decided that forming an online business, with essentially no overhead, would be a piece of cake. I filed for a DBA (Doing Business As), designed my site and threw a launch party. It was really fun and it gave my business enough exposure to kick start my clientele.

KH: What were some of the obstacles you experienced along the way?

MT: The recession hit shortly after I started my business, but I used it as a chance to rebuild, redesign, and plan a different direction for my company. I even changed the name from its former "Supasista Designs" to "Suuru Design Company" and launched a whole new site. Sometimes obstacles are just opportunities to look at things and regroup.

KH: What are some of your future goals?

MT: I plan to continue to offer discounts to non-profits and individuals and use my corporate projects to survive. I may not design forever, but whatever my next venture is will receive just as much attention and make me just as happy. I want to act. That's a really big passion of mine, but right now, I'm giving my children my best during their formative years. I'll pursue an acting career on the side eventually. You can always see what I'm up to at myshelltabu.com

KH: At Brownstone our goal is to empower young girls, what women have inspired you along the way?

MT: My mother was a great inspiration. She taught me to work hard, be good to the planet, and seek happiness in all things.

KH: What were you like as a teenager?

MT: I was a wild and crazy teen with a 4.3 grade average. How I balanced ditching parties and acing exams was interesting to say the least. If I could go back I'd do some things differently. But overall, I was respectful, hardworking and very confused.

KH: Yea I was a confused teenager too lol!

KH: This month, we're talking about dating. What was dating like for you as a teen?

MT: I had a steady boyfriend for about two years. I lost my virginity to him and I learned a lot about myself from that relationship. I ended up leaving him though because he wasn't ambitious enough for me. I was on a path to excellence and he was headed to nowhere land. I was smart enough to let that go, but it was NOT easy. I loved him very much, but not more than I loved myself or God.

KH:What advice do you have for our Brownstone readers?

MT: I would say, once you choose where you're going, exclude the people who don't fit into that vision. You're not obligated to be anyone's friend no matter how long you've known them. Sometimes it's not until you let the losers go, that you can really shine and blossom.

KH: That is true

MT: Yea, sometimes we keep the same friends, because we've had them for so long. After high school, I had to let go of so many friends, who didn't support me, weren't there for me, or weren't going anywhere. You don't have to dis them, but just call them less, and put them on your back burner, so that you can invite in new friends, who care and are worth something. You'll be happy if you choose happy friends. Some of my high school friends were pregnant that next year, and that wasn't my path.

MT: …another thing I'd say to Brownstone readers is don't put anything you'll regret on the Internet. Your teen years are recorded via social networking in a way that mine never was. People don't know anything about my teen years that I don't tell them first. But now, once you post a half naked pic on Facebook, it's there forever. Cache lives on; people take screenshots and people save images to blackmail you. Be very careful with your reputation. You only get one!

KH: That’s awesome advice. I know our readers will take something away from that. Thank you once again for your honesty and time…I’ll see ya around!



Kyle Holland
--Browntstone Team

Online Etiquette: What Doe's Your Electronic Image Say About You?

Guest Blogger, Keisha Hicks is back to share with us "A Little Something I Learned Along the Way." This week's lesson is in online etiquette.

Definition: Electronic Image

Any form of communication that you do creates an image of you. What you post on your Facebook page counts. What you tweet to other people counts. Your e-mail name counts. Lastly, the content, spelling, and grammar used in the text messages you send counts. All of this produces your electronic image.

Ponder on This

How do you choose what to post on your social media pages? Do you think about the pictures and or personal information you post? Are the e-mails and text messages you send to your teachers, counselors, and mentors in standard English? Your electronic image may be the main way selection committees or future employers choose to determine your suitability.

Facebook
The content on your Facebook page is very important because college admissions committees, program selection committees, and potential employers are increasingly looking for Facebook pages of applicants to judge personal character. I am not saying not to have fun and post your adventures on your Facebook page. I am saying be in control of your online image. An example of a questionable picture could be as simple as a picture of you smiling with a red plastic cup in your hand. The problem is the red plastic cup because it is not clear what is inside. Is this an alcoholic drink or not? It is up to the reader to make his or her own decision about what you are drinking. Another example of an appropriate picture could be you and your friends at a summer party in a group hug.

A good rule of thumb is your Facebook page should be Granny or Madea approved. Your Granny or Madea should be proud of how you are portraying yourself as a young woman. I have a Facebook page myself. I have images of Black art only because that is what I want on my page.

Emails
What’s in an e-mail address? The short answer is a lot. E-mail addresses prepare the reader for what form of communication is expected of them. Is your e-mail address easy to read? The more unique your email the more likely it is to be misspelled. Note: In highly competitive situations if an e-mail is kicked back you won’t get a second look. The committee will move on to a candidate that communicates clearly. Is it professional? If your e-mail address has the following words “princess”, “cutie pie”, or anything that ethnic like “nubia” it is not professional and serves you best as a personal e-mail address. A professional e-mail address should be your last name and some variation of your first and middle initials (i.e AJohnson@yahoo.com). It is professional because this type of e-mail address tells the reader nothing about your personal life.

Text Messages
When you are communicating with a teacher, counselor, or mentor use standard English. The language you use with your friends, adults may not understand. Do not make the mistake of thinking the abbreviations you understand will translate to an adult reader (i.e. "gr8" instead of typing the word great). There is no slang language that is appropriate when communicating with education professionals and or potential employers. The reason for this is you want to be clearly understood in your electronic communications.

And That’s a Little Something I Learned Along the Way.

Peace and Blessings,

Keisha

-- Keisha Hicks
Guest Blogger

What To Do On Your First Date

Whether or not you read my last post, How to Get Him to Notice You, you and that special someone may be ready for your first date. Typically, it’s considered the guy’s responsibility to come up with the first date, but I’m sure he’d be wonderfully surprised if you had something in mind too. The first date can seem scary because there’s so much pressure, and it seems like a million and one things can go wrong. But trust and believe from someone who has been on enough first dates of her own, (but not too many LOL), it’s much easier if you just try to have fun. That’s the whole point! It’s not about how much money is spent or how unusual the date is. It’s about you and him having fun together. With that being said, here is some advice for a fun first date.

Keep it simple and inexpensive – Like I said, it’s not about money and how much everything costs. With this economy and at your age, no one is ballin like Kobe so don’t worry about spending so much money. If one person ends up spending too much money, it might make the other feel uncomfortable anyway.

Do something that you’d both like – If you pick something that only you like, he might not have fun and vice versa. On future dates, compromise will be important, but for now, everything should be about the two of you.

Plan as much as you can but also leave room for improvisation. You never know how he’ll react to the date or what else might be going on that day. You might pass by a park with a concert going on that you had no idea about, but that you know you’d both enjoy.

Don’t do too much – The point of the date is to get to know each other better, not impress the other person by showing them how many good ideas you can come up with all at once. Besides, if you do too much on the first date, what will you do on the second one?

It’s the little things – It’s not always about what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it. Some of my favorite dates were, yes, things that I’ve never done before, but what I remember the most are the little things that he did to show me how he felt. Things like grabbing my hand in the middle of the date, giving me a compliment on something other than my outfit, or even a little hug from behind :) Don’t be afraid to do something to show you’re having a good time. Guys need feedback, especially if they took a lot of time to plan something special. It’s ok to grab his hand, or lean on his shoulder if that’s how you feel. Read his body chemistry too though and it should be easy to figure out how he’s feeling too.

Here are some things I had fun doing:

Racecar driving – I’m an athletic girl and I love to compete, so when my guy took me on a surprise date to drive cars, I was game.

The beach – Grab a bite to eat and spend some time relaxing at the beach. There are always lots of people and activities going on.

Picnic – Depending on how close you are, (hopefully you’re good friends), a picnic is a really good idea because it’ll give you time to get to know each other even more. Pick somewhere with good scenery so you can enjoy more than each other.

Concert at the park – It’s summer so there are plenty of things going on outside. Go online and search for things going on in your area.

Museum – Tavis Smiley recently had an exhibit called America I Am about the contribution of African Americans in our country. Museums might sound boring at first, but if you do your research and find a good exhibit, or if you see something he might like, you would definitely have a lot to talk about.

Now all you have to do is figure out what to wear! Laugh at his bad jokes and thank him for a good time. Remember, don’t take it too seriously and just have fun!

-- Brittany Allen
Brownstone Intern

The 5 Beauty Rituals I Would Die Without

Okay, we all have beauty rituals that we would swear by. I have a few that I’m sure I would look a mess without!

1. I use my favorite Lush mask, Cupcake, once a week to keep my face smooth and soft. I really love this mask because almost everything that’s available in their store is organic and made right there in the store! Also the people who work there are usually really friendly and always try to help you look for the perfect face mask for your skin type (Another bonus is if you keep the container you got it in and turn in five the next time you visit, you get a free one). You can look online for your local Lush store: http://www.lushusa.com/shop/find/

2. For the rest of my body, I make my own exfoliater. I mix olive oil, brown sugar, and cinnamon to make sure my legs are extra smooth when I get out the shower. I just mix it in a plastic cup before scrubbing down in the shower. The only drawback about it is that it smells kind of funky, so I make sure to either wash it entirely off or put on fragrant lotion after I get out.

3. While I’m on the topic of lotion, after getting out the shower I make sure to put it on before drying off without a towel. It not only makes it easier for my skin to soak up all of the lotion and it helps it keep the fresh, clean smell all day! My favorite lotion to use right after I take a shower is Victoria Secret’s drenched in Pink Pretty and Pure lotion. I love it because the scent isn’t too strong and the lotion is super thick so I only have to use a bit to cover my whole body.

4. After washing my hair in the shower, a trick I learned from mom (thanks mom!) is to make a hair mask cocktail. I mix in some leave in conditioner and anti-frizz serum and brush it through all of my hair. I also try to use heavier, cream-like products because it helps keep my hair contained. And if I take my shower before I go to bed, I braid my hair and pin back my bangs so when it’s dry in the morning my hair is manageable and wavy. The hair mask cocktail also controls my curls and so they don’t dry all over the place.

5. Even though it’s kind of embarrassing at sleep-overs, I always wrap my hair. Regardless if my hair is pressed or curly, I always go to bed with my homemade wrap on my hair. I wrap it back in a bun when it’s pressed and when it’s curly I loosely wrap my hair back. The really embarrassing part is that my hair wrap is actually a pair of stockings that I cut the legs off of. I know it sounds really weird, but it stays on my head all night whereas whenever I try to wrap my hair in a scarf it falls off in the middle of the night and I wake up with a major case of bed-head!

-- Alexandra Scott (Berkeley High School, Age 16)

Jr Correspondent

How to Get Him to Notice You

When it comes to the opposite sex and relationships, being a teenager can make this time an exciting, yet sometimes confusing experience. Every now and then, you see a boy that might catch your eye and make you think that maybe it’s time to be more than friends. Many of you may even be wondering what ‘more than friends’ specifically means. I remember when I was in high school and I started telling my mom about a boy that I liked, she never took it too seriously. She’d appease my feelings for the moment, and then would never think much of it. It wasn’t until I was sixteen and had my first boyfriend that she realized I was growing up. I think she realized that I was old enough, and mature enough to know what I liked and didn’t like in terms of boys. This isn’t to say that if you want your parents to take you seriously, you should get a boyfriend. But sometimes, it can be a transition point in your life.

For those of you who are wondering what it means to be in a relationship at this age, I can offer this advice: It’s whatever you want it to mean. You’re not married and you’re not 25, so it’s not the most serious thing in the world. At the same time, you’re also not 10 years old anymore, and being in a relationship does have a significant impact in your life. With that being said, finding a good balance with the boy you’re interested in is key.

Some of you may even be at the point where you’re simply trying to get Mr. Gorgeous to notice you. Let’s start here. Here are some tips to at least test the waters.

Say hi – He’ll never know who you are if you’ve never said hi! It seems a little silly, but you have to start somewhere.

Pay attention to the things he’s interested in and the attitude he has. Dig deeper than his appearance or athletic ability and see if you really want to get to know more about him.

Group Dates are really fun and a great way to be in the same place at the same time without any pressure. Talk to your girls (who most likely already know how you feel) and see if they can help get a group together to go somewhere fun. While you’re all out having fun, it’s a lot easier to engage in conversation if you’re still too shy to have that 1-on-1 conversation.

Personal time – Ask him about something you know he’s interested in. For example, if you know he’s on the football team and he has an upcoming game, ask him how he’s feeling about it. The next time you see him, you can ask him how the game was and pick up the conversation from where you left off. (Disclaimer: Don’t talk about something you really have no interest in hearing about though, because he’ll pick up on your vibes of boredom.) The conversation doesn’t have to be overwhelmingly deep because you’re just getting your toes wet, but at least you’ll have somewhere to pick up from when you talk to him again. You can even pick up on a conversation that was started on the group date. Maybe he mentioned a movie he wanted to see and you can suggest getting a group together to go see it.

Once you’ve tested the waters, it should be a little bit easier to at least see if he’s receptive of the attention you’re giving him. If he starts coming up with reasons to talk to you, or inviting you to things that he’ll be at, then there’s a good chance he’s interested. And if he doesn’t, that’s okay too. Something that I’ve learned, is that guys want to make sure they can be our friends too – they need someone to talk to just as much as we do and it gets pretty boring if all you can do is stare at each other because you have nothing in common.

With all of this in mind, try not to get too stressed out about the guy in question. Take things slow and feel the situation out. Everything typically falls into place the way it’s supposed to be. It’s okay to take advantage of the situation by being proactive – saying hi, engaging him in conversation, etc. – and you’ll be able to feel out how he’s feeling too.

Maybe you have some good tips that have worked for you in the past. Feel free to share with our other readers!!

-- Brittany Allen
Brownstone Team