As women, especially women of color, it's often said that we can't get along. Movies and TV shows can add fuel to the fire to this school of thought; but I disagree. I think being able to have a true friendship with another woman is very important for most of us. We value the bond, trust, and commonalities we can share. But, as with most relationships, conflicts sometimes happen. Anyone who has had a long-term friendship or relationship or even with siblings, there have been fights, arguments, or disagreements. So, how do you go about fixing them?
Whether your conflicts is with one of your classmates, a teammate, or your best friend, here are some ways to resolve it:
1. Don't play the victim - I believe it takes 2 to tango. Sometimes you may get people who just "hate" on you for no apparent reason, but most of the time you really need to look at the part you played that brought friction to the relationship and own up to it. None of us are perfect and all relationships are a two-way street. One person can't take all the blame.
2. Talk to them - This may mean you have to swallow your pride and be the bigger person, but nothing will get resolved if you let it ride or talk about them on Facebook or behind their backs to other people. Handling the issue poorly is sometimes worse than the original issue itself! Too many times, friendships end bitterly over misunderstandings that were never resolved.
3. Listen to them - Put yourself in their shoes and listen to where they're coming from. I can't stand when I'm trying to talk or be heard, and the other party talks over me, cuts me off, or is texting/e-mailing/tweeting/etc. in the middle of the conversation. Give them your full attention.
4. Be agreeable - If your goal is to resolve a conflict and maintain a friendship, you absolutely cannot go into it calling her names. Think about how you would react if someone came to you with a lot of insults & hostility. You probably wouldn't be too eager to maintain any kind of relationship with them. (I know I wouldn't. Lol!) You are two different people with different thoughts and opinions on a lot of things. There's a way to disagree but still be respectful about it. You should expect the same from your friends as well.
5. Know when to keep it moving - There's a saying that goes: "People come into your life for a reason, as season, or a lifetime." If you have a friendship that's become more trouble/drama/strain than it's worth, it could be time to let it go. Are you still getting what you need from the friendship? Do you still have things in common? Do you still like being around her? People grow, people change, and life can take you in different places. You have to decide if you still value the friendship enough to keep it, or if you think it may be time to move on.
If your friendship is going through a rough patch, do what you can to fix it if you think it's worth fixing.. And if you and your friends are doing fine, great! Let your friends know how much you appreciate them. Good girlfriends are priceless.
--Chevonne Collins
Guest Blogger
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