Simmer Down: Learning to Control Your Anger

Last Thursday, I wanted to tell a certain group of people in Oakland to "simmer down" and think about their actions. Rioting broke out in downtown Oakland as a result of the verdict in the Oscar Grant trial. Many civilians disagreed with the “guilty for involuntary manslaughter” verdict and decided to express their anger with the justice system through violent behavior. Folks gathered in the street, broke into local businesses, stole, among other things. A young woman from Oakland made a comment to validate the group of rioters' behavior:

“A broken window, that’s not a human life. That’s not violence. A building does not bleed. That’s not violence, that’s destruction of property…”

Seriously?!? Just because it “doesn’t bleed” doesn’t mean that one’s behavior is okay. Allowing your anger to cause physical harm to another person or piece of property is never right no matter how you try to justify it. After reading this comment, I knew I had to write something to our readers! At Brownstone, we try to refrain from preaching to you guys, but I have to put on my big sister hat for a second. I wanted to talk to you about letting your anger/frustration (even when your feelings are valid) push you to destructive/violent behavior.

Have you ever reached that boiling point when someone had to tell you to "simmer down" because your attitude was escalating into unnecessary anger? If your friends and family are constantly having to check you or you find yourself letting situations push you to that point of no return…then it’s time for you to learn how to control your anger. Actions fueled by anger can hurt and have negative consequences. It’s important to learn how to channel your anger and frustration into something positive.

Logic > Emotion

Be smart ladies! As women, we are naturally emotional beings. Therefore, you have to be aware of the things that make you tick and learn not to let your emotions control you. If a girl at school has an attitude with you for no reason, don’t step to her trying to fight. Think before you raise those fists. If you’re up to it try talking to her to see what the problem is. If you don’t want to be bothered with the girl then just leave it alone and ignore her. I know it can be hard, but it takes a real lady to walk away. You have to pick your battles. Never let your emotions push you to act outside of your character. Believe me when the smoke clears it’s not a good look! Be smart…sometimes you have to set your emotions aside and allow logic to come forward to make the right decisions.

Short-term Gratification, Long-term Consequences
I’m going to keep rolling with the fight scenario. If you were to decide to fight the girl you’d probably feel good at that moment, but ultimately your actions would lead to bigger consequences. You could possibly end up injuring the girl or getting injured yourself. And worst of all you could be suspended from school. Like I discussed above, when you’re in the heat of the moment your emotions take over. You may have that instant gratification, but consequences are sure to follow.

In the case of the rioters and looters - they probably felt empowered that they were standing up for something that they believed in, but in the long run damaging parts of the city didn’t change the verdict in the case and it definitely doesn’t bring back the person who lost his life. It’s important to think about how your actions will affect not only yourself, but the people around you. Businesses were vandalized. Some even stole shoes from a local Foot Locker. Now those businesses have to pay to fix those damages. But according to the young woman from Oakland it doesn’t matter because blood wasn’t lost. That’s a very selfish attitude to have. Therefore it’s important to use logic to evaluate the consequences of your actions before you let your anger escalate.

Channel Negativity into Positivity
I feel that if you’re angry about something that you should channel that frustration into something positive before it leads to destructive behavior. Here’s another example. Let’s say that your English teacher gave you a D on paper that you felt at least deserved a B. So, you decide to spread a nasty rumor about your teacher to get back at her. It may be all kicks and giggles at the moment, but while you’re laughing it up remember the victim. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. You may have had the last laugh, but you still don’t have that A :p Instead of trying to get even, why not work with your teacher to figure out what you did wrong. Explain your approach to the paper and try to understand hers. Then if you’re that passionate about the assignment, you might want to ask if you can rewrite the paper. If not, then take your teacher’s constructive criticism and apply her feedback to the next paper.

Prove your haters wrong! Prove the statistics wrong! The media already has a negative view of African-Americans when it comes to violence. So, inside of acting violently, the people upset with the Oscar Grant trial verdict should invest more time into trying to change the system that they feel is corrupt. Educate yourself! This may sound corny, but I strongly believe that knowledge is power. When used for good, it is a force to be reckoned with. Get a job in the criminal justice. Don’t just complain, become a part of the solution! By checking your anger at the door, you don’t have to worry about hurting someone or getting into trouble. Take a step back and think about how you can positively come out on top. Trust me you’ll be a better person for it!

The next time you find yourself really upset…think twice. What are the short/long-term consequences? How can I channel this anger into something positive? Your actions do have consequences. Everyday we're pushed, but it's how you learn to react to those situations that ultimately builds good character. Don't let your anger control you. Simmer down and learn to control your anger.

-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team