Parents Just Don't Understand

They may nag you about the clothes or make-up you wear, refuse to let you stay out past 10 p.m. or even pressure you about getting good grades. Between the constant nagging and high expectations, sometimes you think "man, parents just don't understand!"

They don't understand what it feels like to be rejected by a crush. They don't understand what it feels like to be alone. They won't understand why you chose to take that one smoke of weed (even though you've vowed to never do it again) and they definitely won't understand why you chose to lose your virginity. I bet your list could go on and on of things you think your parents will and won't understand.

But let me give you once piece of advice that I think is very important when it comes to the relationship you have with your parents or guardians. Don't shut your parents out because you feel unheard or misunderstood. Your parents should be your #1 resource when it comes to solving problems.

I recently saw an episode of the Cosby Show, where Denice's friend kept a secret from a parents. Rather than tell her parents about her health scare, she chose to keep it a secret for 4 weeks out of fear that her parents wouldn't understand. Dr. Huxtable was disturbed by this and held a family meeting to make sure that his children knew that they could come to him and his wife regardless of the situation. A line that stood out to me is when he says "We love you and I don't think that anyone can care for you with the love that we have. No one cares more than your mother and me." I thought that was so deep and very important for us to remember!



I know this is easier said than done because sometimes our parents just get our nerves. When I was 13, I would stay the summer with my grandparents. I've always had a smart mouth, which my mom has always said would get me in trouble. And that summer it did! I was constantly getting in arguments with my grandma about chores and other things that I can't quite remember. But I do remember talking back to her in a tone that wasn't respectful. At the time, I didn't think that she understood me. A lot of the time, I just wanted to do my own thing and not be bothered. But she continued to bother me and get in what I thought was my space, which escalated my irritation. Looking back, I should have communicated more with her about how I was feeling and definitely watched the way that I spoke with her.

I know that there are probably more serious issues that may be keeping you at a distance with your parents, such as boys or sex. You may think "How could my parents possibly understand? My parents were teenagers decades ago." It may be a different time, but believe me it's the same story. Sometimes it may feel easier just to hold things in or just tell a friend, but one thing that your parents have that you or friends don't have is WISDOM. 9 times out of 10 they've probably been there and done that...probably invented it..lol. Plus, like Bill Cosby says in the clip, your parents have a love for you that no one else has. They may nag or pry into your business, but trust that it's only coming from a place of love.

Last, I want to leave you with some advice for handling your frustration when you think your parents just don't understand:

• Check your attitude: All the huffing and puffing isn't going to make things better. It will only escalate the tension between you and your parents. Oh and if you feel like it's hard to control your attitude face-to-face, try writing a letter to your parents expressing your opinions.
• Respect authority: Your parents support you financially and emotionally. If it weren't for them you'd be on the streets. Acknowledge, respect, and remember that the next time your want to slam the door or runaway. When you show respect, you receive it in return.
• Watch your mouth: Cuss words or any foul language should never come out of your mouth when talking to your parents or any authoritative figure for that matter. Even if you disagree with what your parent(s) are saying, suck it up and take it. Then when you've calmed down, go back to your parents and restate your point of view. Trust it will save you from getting the black smacked off of you ;)
  

Even if you don't have parents or your relationship with them is horrible, it's important to find someone who you trust to speak with. It can be a school counselor, grandparent, aunt or uncle...even a mentor. You don't have to go it alone. There are people who will understand.



-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team