Decisions, Decisions...

As a kid, you’re asked pretty often “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I never had a real answer to that question. I used to always say “doctor” just because it sounded good. It would impress people.

But, as you get older, you are expected to have more of a solid idea. A lot of students start college & immediately have a plan, know exactly what they want to major in, and get going. But, for some people (me included) it’s not always that clear. You’re still figuring out what you want to be.

I used to wish I were one of those people who would say things like, “Ever since I was a kid, I just knew I wanted to be a dentist… I just knew I wanted to be a dancer… I just knew I was going to be a teacher…” and so forth. Sometimes, it takes a while before it comes to you. But, if you’re in high school or college & you still haven’t a clue, here are some things I learned along the way that may help you as you figure it out:

Figure out what you’re good at and foster it. I’ve always been somewhat creative and I knew this about myself. I love writing, so I write often. What are your hobbies? If you enjoy drawing or singing or even math, try to be the best you can at it. You never know where it can lead you. You may even be able to make a living off of it.

Participate in activities that are related to what you like. Most schools have a lot of options for extra-curricular activities, like: the school paper, athletic teams, choir/chorus, debate team, student government, etc. There may be a group or club at your school whose specialty is something you’re interested in. If so, join them! You never know what you’ll figure out from it.

Research majors. Before you begin applying to colleges, take a look to see what majors they offer and what the requirements are for you to graduate in that concentration. It may help to match up your skills/talents with classes you have to take to major in a certain area. Looking at the kinds of majors the schools are offering can also give you some ideas.

Take general requirements. If you are applying for college or starting your freshman year, it’s okay to go in as an undeclared major. But, in the mean time, take those classes that are general requirements for all students. No matter if you end up majoring in music, engineering, communications, or pre-law, General Education requirements are… well… required. (Or, “Gen-Eds” as we called them at my school – UIUC, holla!) Those classes included things like math, science, english, and history. In order to maximize your time there if you’re undecided, load up on Gen-Eds. It will help you to stay on track to graduating on time.

Research careers that may interest you. One thing I realized is that there are a LOT of different careers out there; some that might be really interesting to you that you may not even know about! Once I realized I wanted to work in television, I then had to figure out exactly what it was that I wanted to do & what I was skilled at doing. My graduate school (shout out to Syracuse) really helped me figure that out. So even if you think you may like, for example, law, find out the various types of careers or specializations there are within law. You may be able to pinpoint something that will spark your interest.

Talk to people who do what you might like to do. These people usually offer so much wisdom & insight. Seek out someone who does what you’re considering & reach out to them if you can. Ask questions about their experiences. Who knows, they may even be able to help you out in the future. ;)

Much success to you all!

-- Chevonne Collins

Guest Blogger

Halloween Costume: Tricks Aren't for Kids

“Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girl can say anything about it." – Mean Girls

Gone are the days of the cute little fairy or big round M&M Halloween costumes. Enter our childhood's replacement: the sexy school girl and naughty nurse. Like the quote from Mean Girls says, Halloween seems to be the one day of the year when it's okay to walk out of the house wearing next to nothing. I am officially calling Halloween the "Who Can Wear the Least Clothes" contest! Some girls just have no shame. *shaking my head* Even traditional costumes (i.e. teacher, maid, police officer, referee) are made more provocatively. Let’s be real here, there isn’t anything better? Where is the creativity? We may have bypassed the kiddie section, but that doesn't mean immediate access into the video vixen club!

So, it seems like we’re left with two problems: (1) How to find an original costume and (2) one that is still respectable at the same time. Here are a few suggestions I hope you guys can take from:

• Go to the thrift store first. Some of these thrift stores should be called costume heaven because there is just so much you can find and put together that is probably cheaper than anything you can find online. I would suggest JetRag or Out of the Closet!


• Remix a generic costume. For example, instead of a police officer, try being a member of the SWAT Team or something. What about cute zombie or pirate? It’s so easy to forget that there are other costumes besides walking out the house like a Victoria Secret model.


• Be a celebrity. I’ve heard of many people being Nicki Manaj, Lady Gaga, Beyonce or Rihanna, but the cool thing is that celebrities have soooo many looks you could probably find at least 10 different Gaga or RiRi looks.


• Make it a group act. Going as a group is lots of fun! Be the Supremes, TLC, Destiny’s Child or even the Fanta Girls. This is easy because you can get really creative with your costumes. Just match in some way and you’re good to go! So who’s gonna be Beyonce?




• Bring the old school back. I'm sure you're heard your parents talk about how fun the 70's where. Why not go back in time and create a costume from the 70's, 80's, or even the 90's? For the 70's, you can find a pair of bell bottoms and an old afro wig to rock. For the 80's, get some leggings and an off the shoulder shirt. Don't forget the side ponytail! And for the 90's, try cross colors. Jump, jump if you remember Kris Kross. (lol...that was probably before your time)
  

The main point you guys should take from this is be creative and don't feel like you have to show off your whole body to have a good costume. A costume can be cute and still have more than five strands of fabric. Trust me, when you go out to any Halloween events you won't be attracting the right attention. Guys shouldn't only take notices of you because your assets are hanging out! Okay, that enoug of me sounding like a mommy. Go out and have fun, be innovative and try new things this year! Make your costume. No one else will have it because it was made by your own hands. Feel free to send us pictures (brownstonemag@gmail.com) of the master pieces you're created!



-- Rebecca Matey
Brownstone Intern

Politics: Not Just for Adults!

So on Friday, President Obama came to my school, USC! People weren’t allowed to camp out so they slept in the library till about 5 am and began lining up. By 11 am, the official time for gates to open, the line had become 4 miles long, wrapping around the ins and outs of the school! If you guys have been keeping up with politics, there are a lot of important issues on the California ballot such as the state budget, environment, whether to legalize marijuana and electing our next governor. President Obama came for a Democratic Rally to encourage and stress the importance of voting in this election. His presence was so surreal and approximately over 37,000 people were in attendance.

I know you’re in high school and can’t vote in the upcoming election, but this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t understand what's going on in the political world. Has your teacher ever asked you about a current event in politics and your immediate answer was, “I dunno” or “I’m too young, none of this effects me.” I know that in high school, I just followed whatever my parents said without knowing anything about the candidates or what issues they stood for. The reality is that eventually, you’ll be able to vote and it won’t be any good if you only choose whoever your parents are voting for or who looks better.

Politics may seem like a very boring topic, but think of it like this; Everyday people complain about gas being too high, no jobs, schools are too big, not enough teachers. All of these issues affect you too! You aren’t excluded because you’re not of age to vote. So, you might want to start caring about these issues and get involved now. Here are a few ways your voice can be heard:

1. Get Involved in a Campaign: Find an issue or politician you really love and help out in a campaign. This is an easy way to really learn about the issues and plans for the future. If you’ve heard about a politician that you like a lot or even a campaign, google them and see if they have any nearby offices. Contact them and see how you can get involved with their campaign.

2. Go to a Rally: Going to a rally with friends, seeing the celebrities that also support the issues, and seeing people like President Obama speak is so much fun! You hear what his plans are for a country that is just as much yours as it is for adults.

3. Join Organization that Promotes Youth Voting: Orgs like Rock The Vote and Youth Vote really bring a youth together, engage them in the issues, and also entertain them at the same time.

Voting is the only way to change things. We are the people and We the People need to make sure that our country is run well. Get into politics now and you’ll have no problem feeling insecure about voting in the future! Trust me, I wish I knew what half my classmates knew when I first got into college. If I went on a trivia show about our governors or senators, I would have probably gotten all of the questions wrong. So get to know about your politics now, therefore you won’t be so behind when it’s time to vote. Take a look at this video and see how much you know about our politics!


-- Rebecca Matey

Brownstone Intern

Tolerating Differences in Others

Did you happen to notice classmates, teachers or friends wearing purple this past Wednesday? Or maybe while logged on to Facebook or Twitter, you wondered why some of your friends’ or followers’ pictures were purple? Well Wednesday, October 20, 2010 was Spirit Day. According to The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) website, “the idea behind Spirit Day was first created by teenager Brittany McMillan earlier this month. Just like "Spirit Week" held in many high schools, Spirit Day can be summed up in three words: "Everyone Rally Together.” There was not a parade or actual rally, but just a simple opportunity to show support by wearing purple. Spirit Day is so significant now because of the recent media coverage of youth being bullied, and in some cases, bullied to death, over their sexual orientation.

We all have the right to express different opinions, however when we disagree with someone on something as serious as sexual orientation, it is important not to act out in a way that will harm others. The media has shared several stories about teenagers who have decided to take their lives as a result of the bullying. Media outlets such as CNN and People Magazine recently showcased the story of Tyler Clementi, an 18 year old Rutgers student who committed suicide after being bullied by his roommate. His roommate decided to live stream an intimate moment of Tyler online for everyone to see and make fun of. This was an extreme violation of privacy and as a result, the embarrassment Tyler felt lead to the decision to take his own life. No difference in opinion should ever result in a person wanting to take their own life.

It is imperative to recognize that bullying can be manifested in many different ways. Most of us may just think of bullying as physically hurting another person, but teasing, taunting, name-calling and sending harassing texts, e-mails or wall posts are also considered forms of bullying. Although Spirit Day prompted me to think about this writing this blog, remember bullying can come from anything, not just sexual orientation. Our ethnic or cultural backgrounds, style of dress or interests are all things people choose to pick on. I urge you whatever differences you have with someone, simply leave them as that. It’s ok to disagree, but causing harm to someone else is not the answer. Think about how important your life is and the lives of the people you care about. Remember the person being bullied is also someone’s sister, daughter or friend and we just don’t know how sensitive our words or actions are to them. Life is too special to be unexpectedly interrupted by bullying.

Most importantly, if you are being bullied or know someone who is, tell someone! If you are not comfortable talking to your family, friends or school counselors there are also anonymous options. LGBT youth in need of immediate help should contact The Trevor Project 's 24/7 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Sites like Facebook also have information on how to prevent online bullying. The resources are there, so if you need help please reach out and remember you are not alone.

-- Martine Rouzan

Brownstone Team

The Best School for You

There are two pivotal moments I remember: the moment I knew and the moment I knew without a doubt.

The moment I knew that the University of Southern California was the school for me happened during the fall of my senior year of high school. I was on a tour of USC and hadn't expected it to be much different than the other tours I'd gone on. However, from the moment I stepped on the campus I could feel that this school was different. Every college tour guide I'd encountered had emphasized that students should choose the school that makes them feel at home. I tried to imagine myself at every school I had visited and was unsuccessful. But as I looked around USC with its beautiful brick buildings, huge green trees, and throngs of students on bikes who looked genuinely happy to be on campus, I just knew USC was for me.

I did however realize that even though I had this overwhelming intuition that USC and I were made for each other, I had to be practical. USC may have been beautiful and the students may have seemed friendly and approachable, but the truth is that application fees are expensive and in order for me to decide to apply to USC it had to meet some important criteria.

Major/Area of Interest: Although you may not know exactly what you want to do when you graduate, it is important to think about the subjects you love and the careers you can picture yourself pursuing when applying for schools. If you are interested in medicine and can imagine yourself as a doctor, a nurse, or an advocate of public health, then you should look for schools that have diverse health programs. As a teenager, I was very interested in media and entertainment. USC has one of the best Communication and Media schools in the country with many opportunities for internships. So, although I wasn't exactly sure what aspect of media I wanted to pursue, I knew that USC would give me plenty of options.

Location: Not only should you think about the type of atmosphere you want to spend your college years in, you should also think about where you might want to live after college and what kind of job opportunities might be available to you in the city each school is in. As I mentioned before, at the time I applied to college I was interested in media and entertainment. I knew that applying to a school in Los Angeles would be a perfect fit for me because I would be minutes away from record companies and movie studios. I decided toward the end of my college career that the entertainment industry wasn't for me, but I wouldn't have been able to realize this about myself if I didn't have access to entertainment internships.

Diversity: This is especially important for us Brownstone girls. College is amazing because you are exposed to people and experiences that you may not have been exposed to in your home town. However, it's always nice to be able to walk through campus and see familiar brown faces. It was important to me that I went to a school where diversity was not only noticeable but celebrated. While on my campus tour, I learned that USC had several different "diversity floors.” One of these floors was targeted toward African Americans. Students who lived on this floor boasted of the strong support system they had and the lifelong friendships they made. If a minority presence on campus is something that's important to you, then make a point to research the quantity and quality of the minority population at each school you apply to.

The moment I knew without a doubt that USC was the school for me happened the summer following my campus tour. I had chosen to go to USC and was on campus for my freshmen orientation. As the USC Marching Band began to play our victory song "Conquest," I felt a surge of pride wash over me. It was the first time I really felt that I was a part of the Trojan family and would be a Trojan for life. At that moment I knew without a doubt that I had made the right choice. The fact that USC met all of my college criteria combined with the overwhelming sense of home I felt whenever I was on campus led me to apply to the school and ultimately decide to attend. I know the process of applying to schools can seem daunting, but as long as you think critically and wisely about the criteria you want your college to meet, I'm confident you will find a school as perfect for you as USC was for me :)

-- Karissa Allen

Guest Blogger

Did He Really Just Say That?

Last month, I was hanging out with my friend and he started humming the tune to this familiar song. Immediately, I knew the tune and finished the line "met her at the club, and I said what's up." He was shocked that I was actually singing the lyrics to "Toot It and Boot It." (Apparently it's okay to hum as long as you don't sing it...lol) What I thought? I don't agree with the song. I just like the beat and the lyrics are catchy. So what?!

Yes, I had become a member of the "I just like the beat" club. But then I started to hear the song in constant rotation on the radio and the degrading lyrics started to pop out at me more and more. "And she toot it from the back and you know she made it clap...I can supply the pipe only just make sure it's tight. We can do it all night and after that you gotta go cuz you ain't my wife!" Whaaaa, did he really just say that? So, if he's basically saying that he wants to hook up with me and then kick me to the curb, then why am I still bobbing my head? Not cool!

This isn't the first song to talk about women in a disgusting way and it won't be the last. Check out some of the lyrics to these popular hits, I'm sure if they haven't already they'll have you asking did he really just say that?

• B*tch (Remix) - E-40 featuring 50 cent and Too Short
  I'm sure everyone loves the part in the hook where the guys says, "50 cent, Too Short and E-40 say TRICCKKK." (that's in the edited version). But did you catch this line: "I hate to tell you but you're in love with a whooore. And chances if a n*g#as try he'll scooore. Man f that b*tch." Or how about this "You love her, I f-ed her. She my jumpoff, she yo baby mama. You kiss her. I twiss her. Then send her a$@ back to you before you miss her." Okay *side eye*...really???
  
• Tie Me Down - New Boys featuring Ray J
  How about these lyrics? "You can't tie me down like a pair of shoe strings. Yeah, ya cute, so what? But let's get it through ya head. Yeah we make love sex weed all in the bed. It's the best and I love her but things don't change when I'm not faithful you be feelin' all pain. Now you stuck like a stain and I can't believe that. Baby girl 100 I ain't tryna do that. Got too many girls, and ain't let it go. Cuz my life is great and you ain't nothing but a hoe."
  
  So these boys are saying all these demeaning things about girls and yet there are a bunch of girls dancing in the video like it's nothing? It just seems weird to be dancing like it's a party when a guy just called another woman a hoe. I'll let you marinate on that!
  
• Can't Stand You -ROD
  
  This song isn't that bad, but the fact that he had to add "B*tch" at the end of each sentence in the hook is unnecessary. ROD says, "I can't stand you....Bi-otch"
  

I feel really conflicted listening to songs like this just because they're fun to dance to or sing. A hard beat doesn't erase the lyrics that are being said. As young women, we tend to be these guy's biggest supporters. But what does that say about us? The more I think about it, by singing along we're saying that it's okay to "toot it and boot it" or call me a hoe. A guy can vent about his frustrations about the opposite sex without having to disrespect her or call her out of her name. *just saying*

I know it's hard to ignore a song when everyone else thinks it's a hit. But why not be the first to say "No I won't stand for that?" When you hear the song on the radio change the station or if it starts playing at a party sit that song out. Believe me it will take discipline. But by supporting these songs we are only saying that it's acceptable to portray women in this way. The young boys (if they don't know better) will think it's okay to think and say these things. As young women we should start to take a stand now! Just think how powerful it could be if girls joined together to boycott these songs. Of course there are always going to be those girls who don't care and will continue to dougie to songs like "B*tch," but for the few who choose to stand up change could come. So, if you have to ask, "did he really just say that?" Then maybe that is a song that you shouldn't be listening to...


--Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

I Am Not My Hair

There is an old saying that "a woman’s hair defines her beauty." Back in the day, if a woman cut her hair or put chemicals on her hair, she was considered ugly or unsuitable compared to a woman who had natural hair or hair that was longer. It was like you were shunned or looked down upon if you shaved your head or wanted a short bob or short hair style. It was considered butch and unfeminine. Now in days this saying or "rule" might not be as strictly used as today. Fashion icons such as Rihanna and Halle Berry embrace the idea of changing your hair and showing that short hair can be just as versatile and sexy as longer hair. But this concept of hair and what is considered “beautiful hair or nice hair” still exist today. Women are stereotyped and receive different attention from their hair style they choose or prefer to have. Women are either looked highly upon because of their hair and are well accepted in this society or they aren’t. Why are we defined by our hair? Why is hair so important?

Our hair defines us. It’s an emotional attachment that is very hard to get rid of. It’s like a security blanket that we can hide under or embrace it. In this society, we are first off judged by our looks and appearances, our hygiene and how we dress. But what I have noticed most is that African American women seem to be defined and put into categories because of their hair. It’s kind of like “hair profiling.” Unfortunately, we as women are judged by our hair. In this society where media has become a major influence in urban culture, it seems like weaves, permed hair or straight is widely accepted more than those who like to wear their hair natural, big and kinky. You can even see it for yourself such as in commercials and other advertisements. In these commercials most of their advertisements are about taming your hair and getting it as straight as possible. I find it hard to find a style mogul or celebrity who sticks to herself and embraces the natural texture of her hair. It seems like the era of Chaka Khan and Tina Turner are dying off and the era of Melanie Fiona and Lauren London are striving and growing.

As women we are perceived by our hair, we receive different attention by the way we wear our hair. I have even experienced this myself. I like to change up my hair a lot. I like to be versatile and tend to change up a style about every week or so. I have noticed either myself or by watching my peers and other women around me that their hairstyle reflects their mood and the attention they get. It seems like this society is very bias about natural hair and big hair. I even at times am bias about a certain style for a certain occasion. I have noticed for special occasions a lot of women tend to go for straight hair as opposed to wearing their hair in an afro or in kinky curls. I even do this myself, for dances and parties as well as for interviews; I go for straight hair. We as women can also be bias to certain hair types and not even know that we are being bias. We match up certain outfits to hair types. If I wanted to look descent and more fancy or classy with the outfit I was wearing I would go for straight hair rather than go for my wavy locks.

The way you wear your hair can say a lot about a person. People automatically look at you and how you look, dress and carry yourself and make assumptions and overall judge you because of your appearance. You get certain attention just by your hair and what you wear. I have been turned down when I wear braids or my hair kinky as well as not looked at as beautiful as my peers who tend to straighten their hair more often than I do. I hate being judged by my hair. Even in professional settings we are looked down upon. In going around and applying for jobs I would straighten my hair and not wear it naturals as to not be looked down upon or accepted in that setting. This is how people would look at your hair and these are some of the assumptions they would make.

Curly/Kinky Hair
This person tends to be more natural and have a natural/bohemian type of style. They can also have a very laid back or jazz type of style. They are very versatile with their hair and style.

Straight Hair
This person tends to be very classy and fancy. Like to dress up all the time, even if they were just running errands. Like to look good, and always stay on top of trends.

Edgy/Short Hair Cuts
This person tends to take risks with their style and with their hair. They don’t like to stick to one type of trend, they have an edgier style and like to change up their hair/style very often.

Overall, we as women and people are always going to be judged on our looks and appearances but, we don’t have to accept what the media says or how/what media wants us to look or act like. If we prefer curly/kinky hair, like I do, I say embrace it and work with it to the best of your ability. You can work kinky hair to a party/function just as well as working straight hair. You can feel just as confident and trendy in this style just as much as any other style. If you prefer straight hair, I say go for it, it’s all up to you and what you like. Be original and lastly just know you shouldn’t be defined by your hair because you are not your hair. You are defined by being you. Yourself.

-- Jamiah LaShay (Berkeley High School, Age 16)

Jr Correspondent

College: As Simple as 1, 2, 3

First semester of college is underway and you're finally getting into the groove of things. It’s exciting, scary and liberating all at the same time. Who would've thought new best friends, new teachers and a brand new perspective on life would become the new normal. Don’t you wonder how everything will turn out? Which major to choose and what those 1st semester grades will look like? I know for me, I was definitely anxious about a lot, but after my 1st semester in college, I realized it was "as simple as 1, 2, 3.” It didn’t take long to get into the routine of going to class, attending meetings, volunteering (and eating lots of good food). My journey from high school to college was fun, and I'm so thankful I made it to the other side. Here’s a list of some of my experiences, memories and just stuff I learned along the way….A to Z.

Always strive for an A.

B’s are good too…just B on time to class!

Confidence is key.

Don’t let harder classes intimidate you.

Eat home cooked food whenever you can...you can't have Top Ramen and Easy Mac for every meal.

Favorite college paper topic/questions: Does the media reflect public opinion, or establish public opinion?

Graduate! Focus on graduating. It will really keep you focused! Besides, you're not doing all this for nothing, right?

Have an open mind to everything (your first day of school, the people you’ll befriend, and new discoveries).

“I am somebody, and I won’t be stopped by nobody, I got my fist in the air and the movement in my feet, I got love for my people and it starts with me!”

Jog, dance, hike. Do whatever gets you moving. That freshman 15 will creep!

Kreativity puts a whole new spin on boring assignments.

Learn, laugh, love.

Mass Communications. This was my major in college. I loved it!

N*gg*r…racism is real. It’s subtle so don’t let it hit you in the face.

One in every three girls on college campuses is raped or sexually assaulted.

Plagarism is a no no!!! Have academic integrity PLEASE!

Question everything.

Read. There will be some stuff you have to read that you’ll hate, but it’s all worth it once you read something that means a lot to you.

Study study study! Study groups always worked best for me.

Teenage pregnancies can make going to college tough so think twice.

Umoja. This is one of the seven principles of Kwanzaa and it means to strive for and to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Voice your opinions and thought and listen to others’.

Work hard, play hard.

X—DARE to be different.

Y not do a semester at sea? Take a film class? Become a mentor? This is why college is cool.

Zzzzz…no snoring in class!

-- Kyle Holland
Brownstone Team

Boyfriend Drama: Is HE Worth It?

In your eyes he's the guy of your dreams. After months of back and forth texting and hanging out after school, you're finally a couple. Things were great in the beginning. He'd walk you to class, take you out on the weekends. But now he's becoming distant. The calls are coming less and he doesn't seem to have much time for you. Or maybe you're dating the guy who is all "lovey dovey" when nobody is watching, but tries to put on the "you ain't gonna tie me down" front when he's around his boys. Whatever the case, you find yourself constantly arguing with him, questioning if all this drama is really worth it.

Relationships are very hard to maintain. All successful relationships have one key ingredient: COMMUNICATION. Even at your lowest moment, it's important to feel comfortable enough to voice your concern if you find your self unhappy. I'm sure that you've heard this before, but you have to put the well being of yourself first. Maybe you have different expectations for the relationship. I don't why, but a lot (not all) of boys tend to be allergic to commitment. (It must be in the water or something) Or maybe you want to spend more time with him than he's willing to give. You must see if there is a way to find some common ground in the relationship.

You definitely don't want to end up with a guy that has the "you ain't gonna tie me down" mentality! The guy who only thinks about himself and has no consideration for your feelings. The guy who only gives at your expense. If you're at the point where you're unsure about your relationship, then maybe it's time to weigh the pros and cons. Here are some questions to ask yourself?

• Does he make me cry more than smile?
• Is my focus on my boyfriend effecting my school work?
• Do I stay up worrying about him at night?
• Does my opinion of myself go down when he's not around?
• Do I put my boyfriend before my family and friends?
• Am I most happy when I'm with my boyfriend?
  

If you answered YES to any of these questions, then maybe it's time for your boyfriend to go kick rocks. No guy is worth your tears, stress or low self-esteem! It's unfair to you if he's walking around without a care in the world, meanwhile your world is torn upside down.

Ladies, if I can leave you with a couple words of advice it would be: Never stay in a relationship out of comfort or just so that you can have that "in a relationship" status. Trust being single isn't the end of the world, especially as a teen...there are SO many more fish in the sea. Also, never let a guy make you feel like you are less than what you are worth. The amount of attention a guy gives you shouldn't dictate how good you feel about yourself. Remember you are priceless and any guy should be willing to go the distance to be in your pressence. So the next time your dude is acting a little shady, consider asking yourself is HE worth it?

-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

Parents Just Don't Understand

They may nag you about the clothes or make-up you wear, refuse to let you stay out past 10 p.m. or even pressure you about getting good grades. Between the constant nagging and high expectations, sometimes you think "man, parents just don't understand!"

They don't understand what it feels like to be rejected by a crush. They don't understand what it feels like to be alone. They won't understand why you chose to take that one smoke of weed (even though you've vowed to never do it again) and they definitely won't understand why you chose to lose your virginity. I bet your list could go on and on of things you think your parents will and won't understand.

But let me give you once piece of advice that I think is very important when it comes to the relationship you have with your parents or guardians. Don't shut your parents out because you feel unheard or misunderstood. Your parents should be your #1 resource when it comes to solving problems.

I recently saw an episode of the Cosby Show, where Denice's friend kept a secret from a parents. Rather than tell her parents about her health scare, she chose to keep it a secret for 4 weeks out of fear that her parents wouldn't understand. Dr. Huxtable was disturbed by this and held a family meeting to make sure that his children knew that they could come to him and his wife regardless of the situation. A line that stood out to me is when he says "We love you and I don't think that anyone can care for you with the love that we have. No one cares more than your mother and me." I thought that was so deep and very important for us to remember!



I know this is easier said than done because sometimes our parents just get our nerves. When I was 13, I would stay the summer with my grandparents. I've always had a smart mouth, which my mom has always said would get me in trouble. And that summer it did! I was constantly getting in arguments with my grandma about chores and other things that I can't quite remember. But I do remember talking back to her in a tone that wasn't respectful. At the time, I didn't think that she understood me. A lot of the time, I just wanted to do my own thing and not be bothered. But she continued to bother me and get in what I thought was my space, which escalated my irritation. Looking back, I should have communicated more with her about how I was feeling and definitely watched the way that I spoke with her.

I know that there are probably more serious issues that may be keeping you at a distance with your parents, such as boys or sex. You may think "How could my parents possibly understand? My parents were teenagers decades ago." It may be a different time, but believe me it's the same story. Sometimes it may feel easier just to hold things in or just tell a friend, but one thing that your parents have that you or friends don't have is WISDOM. 9 times out of 10 they've probably been there and done that...probably invented it..lol. Plus, like Bill Cosby says in the clip, your parents have a love for you that no one else has. They may nag or pry into your business, but trust that it's only coming from a place of love.

Last, I want to leave you with some advice for handling your frustration when you think your parents just don't understand:

• Check your attitude: All the huffing and puffing isn't going to make things better. It will only escalate the tension between you and your parents. Oh and if you feel like it's hard to control your attitude face-to-face, try writing a letter to your parents expressing your opinions.
• Respect authority: Your parents support you financially and emotionally. If it weren't for them you'd be on the streets. Acknowledge, respect, and remember that the next time your want to slam the door or runaway. When you show respect, you receive it in return.
• Watch your mouth: Cuss words or any foul language should never come out of your mouth when talking to your parents or any authoritative figure for that matter. Even if you disagree with what your parent(s) are saying, suck it up and take it. Then when you've calmed down, go back to your parents and restate your point of view. Trust it will save you from getting the black smacked off of you ;)
  

Even if you don't have parents or your relationship with them is horrible, it's important to find someone who you trust to speak with. It can be a school counselor, grandparent, aunt or uncle...even a mentor. You don't have to go it alone. There are people who will understand.



-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

Editor's Pick: Organic Lotion Must Have

As a teenager, you not only want to smell good, but have a scent that stands out. I mean who wants to walk around smelling funky all day? There's Dove, Bath and Body Works, PINK...so many options to choose from. What's your favorite scent? Me? I've always been a Bath and Body girl, even as a teen I went from warm vanilla sugar to now using black amethyst. But I recently found a new lotion that I absolutely love and wanted to share with our Brownstone readers.

I don't know about you, but Target is one of my favorite places to shop for everyday cosmetics. I love going up and down the aisles looking for new products to use. Did you know that Target recently started carrying African American hair care products like Miss Jessie's, CURLS and The Jane Carter Solution? This was a huge accomplishment, considering that it can be hard to find hair care products made specifically for our hair in mainstream stores. But I was even more excited when I found out that Target carries a line of natural and organic skin care products designed by an African American company called Shea Moisture.

I became an instant fan as soon as I unscrewed the top off and smelled the sweet scent of the coconut and hibiscus lotion and body wash. The scent is bold without being overbearing. Even though both were $9 each, I knew I had to have this product. One, it's organic (which is probably better for the skin), two it's made by an African American company (which I'm always down to support) and third, it's a product that I'm pretty sure not a lot of people know about (I like to be different)...until now :) If you're looking for a new scent, I recommend trying Shea Moisture. You'll definitely stand out from the usual suspects with this unique fragrance. Try it, you can thank me later ;)

-- Tymika Morrison

Brownstone Team