Summer Dates: What to Wear?

No matter the season, when going on a date with that ‘special someone’ I would recommend being as comfortable as possible (this way it is much easier for your true personality to shine). Nevertheless, for those fashionistas on the hunt, summer time is always the perfect season to show off certain assets that were kept hidden during the lay-over seasons. It gets a bit tricky because we always want to make certain that we don’t over-expose ourselves in the mist of showing our true identity through our garments!

So when going out on the town or to a gathering with that special friend try wearing something that screams “Summer here I am!"

Preteens (13-14): I would recommend a great pair of shorts (high waist, tweed, denim, floral print, parachute), a ruffed blouse (cropped or angled) and a pair of flats or wedged heels!

Teens (15-18): I would recommend a vintage blazer a (jersey, floral print or a vibrant funky motif), an oversized cropped tank top (American Apparel tank top or Forever 21 vintage tank), high waist or waist cut skinny jeans and a pair of romantic heels or worker boots!

Can’t seem to get the picture? Here are a few examples of what mixing garments can do for you!

-- Nyvia Weathersby
Guest Blogger

Boys

Okay, girls. Apparently I like to talk about relationships in my posts, so let’s keep the party going. Two posts back, I talked about maintaining your friendships with fellow girls. This time, let’s talk about boys.

You guys are still pretty early in your dating years (I’m assuming). I’ve been in the dating world for some years now, so I want to share are some tips with you that I’ve learned over the years on being a good girlfriend, having a good boyfriend, and maintaining your relationship.

1. Know your deal-breakers.

Before you even get in a relationship, you may want to know what things are important to you in a significant other. What things will you absolutely not put up with? Is it important that they share the same religious beliefs? That they have a good temper? That they not drink and/or do drugs? That they have a good sense of humor? Make a list of the characteristics that you’d like to have in a boyfriend. (And I stress characteristics, not possessions. If your list is all about what they have and nothing about who they are, you may want to check your values.) Know what kinds of things you love in other people, what kinds of things you’ll tolerate, and what youwon’t. Also, don’t expect perfection from a guy unless you’re perfect. And you’re not. :)

2. Look out for #1.

Please, please, please respect yourself. Have standards. Don’t belittle yourself or settle for less for the sake of having a boyfriend. Being single is not the worst thing in the world! If you’re not ready to have sex, don’t do it just because you’re getting pressure from a cute guy at school. You’ll regret it later. Yes, you will. If a guy insults you or your interests, if he’s abusive, if he’s dishonest, do you have to put up with that? No. I don’t care how cute/fine/popular he is… you deserve better. Be happily single until you find someone who will treat you well. There are other fish in the sea. I promise.

3. Keep your own life in balance.

I know how it is when you are in a new relationship and you’re smitten with your new boyfriend. You want to spend every minute spending time with him or talking on the phone with him. That’s all fine, but make sure you don’t get too consumed to the point that you forget about your own life. Continue with your hobbies & commitments. Spend time with your friends and family. Let him spend time with his.

4. Take the lead every now and then.

It’s okay to expect your boyfriend to treat you like a lady. Open doors, pull out chairs, take you on dates, pay for dinner, walk you to our door, etc. In fact, you should expect it! But, be careful not to get princess syndrome. Guys like it when you take the lead every now and then. Don’t wait for him to plan every date; sometimes, you plan it! Surprise him and pay for a dinner. Buy him a little gift out of the blue for no reason. He’ll appreciate your thoughtfulness.

5. Support his interests (and expect him to support yours).

Is your boyfriend an athlete? Go cheer him on at his games! Is he in school plays? Go see it. Is he into comic books? Chess? Film? Skateboarding? Whatever. Show an interest. You don’t have to love it, but if it’s important to him, show support. Ask him about it and give positive/constructive feedback. Expect the same from him with your interests.

6. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

This is something I have always had to work on – communicating. Talking about things that bother me is not always the easiest thing for me to do, but it’s very important in relationships. No matter how small the issue is. Once you’ve established trust, talk to your boyfriend about… whatever. If you have a problem with something, talk to him about it. If he does something that bothers you, talk to him about it. If he does something you love, talk to him about it. I’ve said this before, and I CANNOT reiterate it enough: do not bring your relationship drama to Facebook and/or Twitter. If you’re having a fight, don’t talk crap about him on the Internet. The Internet can be DA DEBIL when it comes to people’s relationships. It’s not everybody’s business to know… and if he’s putting you on blast on the Internet, then please drop him. That’s not OK (in my opinion).

7. Enjoy it!

Do fun stuff together. Spend time getting to know each other. Establish your own little routines within your relationship. Enjoy the butterflies. Dating can be awesome! (It can also be a monster if it goes awry… but that’s another post for another day. LOL!)

Happy dating, girls!

-- Chevonne Collins
Guest Blogger

Mentoring: Following in the Right Footsteps

A Little Something I Learned Along the Way

This Summer follow Guest Blogger, Keisha Hicks, as she shares advice to help you advance academically and professionally. This month Keisha talks about finding the right mentor.

What is a mentor?

A mentor is someone who is a guide. A mentor listens to you and gives truthful and positive advice. A mentor is someone who has already been where you are trying to go. A mentor can also be on their way to obtaining their goals as well.

Is there someone in your life that you admire?

Start paying attention to the things they do consistently. Who do they hang out with? Do their friends have similar goals and values? This information will tell you a lot about the person you want to be a mentor. Since a mentor/mentee relationship can become very close over time it is important to know as much about the person as possible.

In an interview Will Smith did with Kathy Hughes of TV One he said that before he brings anyone into his inner circle of friends he knows at least five people they associate with. His reason for this is knowing at least five people of their inner circle will tell you more about the person than the person. A simple way to remember this is people who believe and do similar things tend to hang together.

How do you choose a mentor?

A potential mentor can be found in your family, school, church, or social organizations. Use your social networks to put your goals out there. Making your ambitions known is the most basic way to find a mentor. Remember: A Closed Mouth Won’t Get Fed.

I am very fortunate to have the career goal of being a professor and being in college I didn’t have to look far to find African American college professors. I made sure I consistently came to class with the readings completed and with questions to ask in class. This made me stand out. This is exactly how I gained my closest and most valued mentor Dr. Robert Allen in the African American Studies Department of the University of California, Berkeley. I took his Black Nationalism course my first semester at Cal in the fall of 2002. I made an appointment with him to meet after class. In our first meeting I stated, “I want to be a college professor, but I don’t know how to get there. Will you mentor me?” He has been my most trusted and closest advisor since that day our mentor/mentee relationship will celebrate our eight-year anniversary this fall.

Are You Mentorable?

I have been a peer mentor to many Black or African American students at Cal and Cornell. I always take into consideration the following things:

a) Do I want to be associated with this person for the rest of my life? Being a mentor is a lifetime commitment.

b) What do I have to offer this person?

c) Who are they? Do they present themselves well? Keep a neat appearance.

d) Are you prepared for our meeting, meaning do you have some questions in mind or goals and objectives they want to discuss?

Not all learning comes from books.

Is there someone in your life that has wisdom? Life is the greatest teacher. Look to the Elders in your family or community they have valuable lessons to pass on. They did not get to be their age by accident. Sometimes we get busy with our lives but I would encourage you to take time out to spend with an elder. I’m just saying, any “lesson” I learned from the elders in my life always felt better than any hard knock I took on the chin.

And That’s a Little Something I Learned Along the Way.

Peace and Blessings,

Keisha

-- Keisha Hicks
Guest Blogger

Simmer Down: Learning to Control Your Anger

Last Thursday, I wanted to tell a certain group of people in Oakland to "simmer down" and think about their actions. Rioting broke out in downtown Oakland as a result of the verdict in the Oscar Grant trial. Many civilians disagreed with the “guilty for involuntary manslaughter” verdict and decided to express their anger with the justice system through violent behavior. Folks gathered in the street, broke into local businesses, stole, among other things. A young woman from Oakland made a comment to validate the group of rioters' behavior:

“A broken window, that’s not a human life. That’s not violence. A building does not bleed. That’s not violence, that’s destruction of property…”

Seriously?!? Just because it “doesn’t bleed” doesn’t mean that one’s behavior is okay. Allowing your anger to cause physical harm to another person or piece of property is never right no matter how you try to justify it. After reading this comment, I knew I had to write something to our readers! At Brownstone, we try to refrain from preaching to you guys, but I have to put on my big sister hat for a second. I wanted to talk to you about letting your anger/frustration (even when your feelings are valid) push you to destructive/violent behavior.

Have you ever reached that boiling point when someone had to tell you to "simmer down" because your attitude was escalating into unnecessary anger? If your friends and family are constantly having to check you or you find yourself letting situations push you to that point of no return…then it’s time for you to learn how to control your anger. Actions fueled by anger can hurt and have negative consequences. It’s important to learn how to channel your anger and frustration into something positive.

Logic > Emotion

Be smart ladies! As women, we are naturally emotional beings. Therefore, you have to be aware of the things that make you tick and learn not to let your emotions control you. If a girl at school has an attitude with you for no reason, don’t step to her trying to fight. Think before you raise those fists. If you’re up to it try talking to her to see what the problem is. If you don’t want to be bothered with the girl then just leave it alone and ignore her. I know it can be hard, but it takes a real lady to walk away. You have to pick your battles. Never let your emotions push you to act outside of your character. Believe me when the smoke clears it’s not a good look! Be smart…sometimes you have to set your emotions aside and allow logic to come forward to make the right decisions.

Short-term Gratification, Long-term Consequences
I’m going to keep rolling with the fight scenario. If you were to decide to fight the girl you’d probably feel good at that moment, but ultimately your actions would lead to bigger consequences. You could possibly end up injuring the girl or getting injured yourself. And worst of all you could be suspended from school. Like I discussed above, when you’re in the heat of the moment your emotions take over. You may have that instant gratification, but consequences are sure to follow.

In the case of the rioters and looters - they probably felt empowered that they were standing up for something that they believed in, but in the long run damaging parts of the city didn’t change the verdict in the case and it definitely doesn’t bring back the person who lost his life. It’s important to think about how your actions will affect not only yourself, but the people around you. Businesses were vandalized. Some even stole shoes from a local Foot Locker. Now those businesses have to pay to fix those damages. But according to the young woman from Oakland it doesn’t matter because blood wasn’t lost. That’s a very selfish attitude to have. Therefore it’s important to use logic to evaluate the consequences of your actions before you let your anger escalate.

Channel Negativity into Positivity
I feel that if you’re angry about something that you should channel that frustration into something positive before it leads to destructive behavior. Here’s another example. Let’s say that your English teacher gave you a D on paper that you felt at least deserved a B. So, you decide to spread a nasty rumor about your teacher to get back at her. It may be all kicks and giggles at the moment, but while you’re laughing it up remember the victim. Put yourself in that person’s shoes. You may have had the last laugh, but you still don’t have that A :p Instead of trying to get even, why not work with your teacher to figure out what you did wrong. Explain your approach to the paper and try to understand hers. Then if you’re that passionate about the assignment, you might want to ask if you can rewrite the paper. If not, then take your teacher’s constructive criticism and apply her feedback to the next paper.

Prove your haters wrong! Prove the statistics wrong! The media already has a negative view of African-Americans when it comes to violence. So, inside of acting violently, the people upset with the Oscar Grant trial verdict should invest more time into trying to change the system that they feel is corrupt. Educate yourself! This may sound corny, but I strongly believe that knowledge is power. When used for good, it is a force to be reckoned with. Get a job in the criminal justice. Don’t just complain, become a part of the solution! By checking your anger at the door, you don’t have to worry about hurting someone or getting into trouble. Take a step back and think about how you can positively come out on top. Trust me you’ll be a better person for it!

The next time you find yourself really upset…think twice. What are the short/long-term consequences? How can I channel this anger into something positive? Your actions do have consequences. Everyday we're pushed, but it's how you learn to react to those situations that ultimately builds good character. Don't let your anger control you. Simmer down and learn to control your anger.

-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

Changing Lanes: Switching the Legal Driving Age to 18

There are three important milestones in a teenager's life. Turning 13, 16, and 18. Thirteen marks the point when you're no longer considered a baby and become inducted into the "members only" teen club. Sixteen is when you get to drive and 18 is when you're officially an adult.

When I was a teen, once I got to high school all my friends and I could talk about was getting our driver's license. We couldn't wait to turn 16 to take that test. It was all about who was going to get a car first. Driving meant independence because you no longer had to depend on your parents to get around and status, especially if you were able to get a car.

But now Congress is considering a bill that could change all that. The Safe Teen and Novice Driver Uniform Protection Act, or Standup Act, would set a federal standard for driver’s licensing laws and raise the minimum age to 16 for a learner’s permit, and 18 for a driver’s license. This program is designed for teen drivers to practice under less risky conditions before they take to the road themselves.

So, what do you think? Do you agree or disagree? How would you feel if you had to wait until you turned 18 to get your license? Speak your mind and let us know your thoughts.

-- Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

5 Nail Polish Colors Every Girl Should Own This Summer

Flip flops, gladiator sandals, wedges OH MY! You know what that means...sandal season is finally here. And the first commandment of wearing open-toed shoes is "Thou must make sure that thou toes look on point." No excuses ladies! Rough looking toes are not cute on anyone. So, if you're anything like me and have been letting your feet hibernate in your cozy Ugg boots all winter long, then it's time to whip out the nail polish and give your deprived feet a well overdue pedicure.

But remember ladies, just because we're in the midst of warm weather, doesn't mean that your nail polish color has to be dull. It's time to trade in the gloomy colors that you were wearing in the beginning of the year for more vibrant, bright colors that reflect the true essence of summertime fun. Check out my top 5 choices (in no particular order) of colors that every girl should be rockin' this summer:

#1 Hot Pink - This is my new favorite color! The color pops and screams summer.

#2 Teal - Teal is a bold color that you could have a lot of fun with.

#3 Magenta - Magenta is in the purple family, but is bright enough to stand out in the summer heat.

#4 Black - In my opinion, black never goes out of season. You can never go wrong with this fierce dark color.

#5 Coral - This color is so pretty to me. Although it is soft, it will look great on your sunkissed toes.

Now that you have the 411, go ahead and put some paint on those toes ;)

--Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team

Summer Reading List

Summer is in full effect now! And there is no better time to open up a good book than during your free time. You don't have to worry about reading the book your teacher assigned. You can grab any book and curl up on the couch or head to the park or beach. It's always fun to get lost in a book and explore new places. We chose some books about young African-American girls like yourself who are dealing with issues of self identity, friendships, dating, etc. in hopes that you might be able to relate to some of the characters. Check out some books that the Brownstone Team picked out especially for you!

Living Consequences by Brittney Holmes
An 18-year-old girl finds her world turned upside down in this Christian-themed urban romance from Brittney Holmes. Nevaeh is a straight-A student with a near-perfect boyfriend...until their relationship faces a real test. Her best friend, Shimone, is pregnant at eighteen. And Sierra Monroe has spent years finding comfort in all the wrong places. But each girl will find that only God's love and forgiveness can carry her through the hard times.

Keysha’s Drama by Earl Sewell
Sixteen-year-old Keysha Kendall is a judge's signature away from foster care when she's sent to live with the father she never knew. Suddenly she has her own room in his big fancy house, a high-powered stepmother and a popular half brother who can introduce her to all the right people at her new school. But Keysha can't forget where she came from. And she won't let anyone else, either. Why should her father and his perfect family have it so easy when she and her mother had it so hard? And so Keysha hooks up with a rough crowd and does whatever she wants…until what she wants changes real fast….



Indigo Summer by Monica McKayhan
Fifteen-year-old Indigo Summer's world finally seems to be going in the right direction. She hooks up with the star linebacker on the high-school football team, gets a date for homecoming and makes the high-school dance squad all in the same week. But sometimes things are just too good to be true. After football star Quincy Rawlins abruptly dumps her for a girl who is willing to put out, Indigo's popularity and self-esteem take a nosedive. When her perfect world falls apart, Indigo turns to the one person who seems to have his head on straight--her next-door neighbor, sixteen-year-old Marcus Carter. The problem is, now that Indigo realizes what a great guy Marcus really is, so does someone else.

Happy Princess by Stephanie Perry Moore
On her journey into adolescence, eleven-year-old Carmen Browne finds herself facing a number of different challenges. Even when her changing moods and growing body could easily be distracting, Carmen must learn to trust God. Whether she’s stuck at a sleepover where the hostess shows an inappropriate movie or is surrounded by classmates gossiping about her family, Carmen knows she must take a stand for what is right.





Hip-Hop Poetry and The Classics by Sitomer, Alan Lawrence, Michael Cirelli
Hip-Hop's literary and artistic merits are evident when compared to classic poetry and it's easy to link the great poets of the past to the contemporary Hip Hop poets of today: compare Robert Frost to Public Enemy, Shakespeare to Eminem, and Shelley to the Notorious B.I.G. This interactive workbook-style format is fun for teachers and students, as it illuminates the art of the written word with in-depth analysis of poetic literary devices, writing activities, and other innovative methods.

Jason & Kyra by Dana Davidson
Jason is a basketball star and one of the most popular guys in school. Brainy Kyra isn't, but she doesn't much care what other people think.Under normal circumstances, Jason and Kyra would live in their separate worlds until graduation. But fate intervenes, and the unlikely duo is paired up for a class project. Although preconceived notions abound on both sides, Kyra soon realizes that Jason is not the dumb jock she anticipated. And Jason finds himself telling Kyra things he can't even tell his best friend. As the two become close and eventually start to fall in love, no one in school can believe it, especially Jason's ex-girlfriend, who is determined to get him back. Being together means navigating the obstacles that are coming their way -- but staying apart may be impossible.

Dymond in the Rough by Precious
Fourteen year old Dymond is at a pivotal point in her life... high school. Not only is she faced with the challenges of being a freshman, but also from members in her crew - Kera and Porsha. Both of them have boyfriends however; Dymond has yet to find one. Well, that is until she meets Kyle Banks. Dymond finds herself falling face first, nose wide open for him. Even lying to her mother (with the help of her girls) to be with him, but how many lies can you tell before it catches up to you? Ms. Dymond In The Rough will soon find out!

My Life Is All I Have by V. Anthony Rivers
Leesha Tyler is about to commit robbery when memories from her past start to consume her. Leesha looks back on her life and remembers the chaotic household she lived in -- with her mother and herself always at odds. Thoughts of the death of her grandmother and other untimely events only sadden Leesha further and make her more determined that the only solution to her problems is to get out of Los Angeles. And the only way to do that, or so she thinks, is to commit armed robbery.

Hope you enjoy our Summer book list. Write a book review of one of the books featured and you can be featured on the blog. Submit reviews to brownstonemag@gmail.com by 5 pm on August 15, 2010.

--Tymika Morrison
Brownstone Team